All aboard the lewd train WHOO WHOO!

Well time for cute stories huh?

So me and Ching Chong were watching witchcraft works because well you can figure out why. Ching Chong was confused why the main character wasn't taken home by the love interest earlier. In her words, "she's bigger she can just throw him over her shoulder". I also asked her if I was her princess. She said no because sluts can not be princesses, but that I was her slut and that was better than being a princess because it was lewder. Then she ruffled my hair for awhile.

It's also finally gotten colder around here now so she's made start wearing a jacket when we're outside even though it's not really that chilly, long pants too. Although when we're home she doesn't have me wear too much even if it is a bit cold. So I wondered if she just didn't want people to be able to see my body. I asked her this and she said yeah, that it was hers and other people looking at it was akin to stealing. I then asked her if there was anything else she hadn't told me about lately. She thought for about a minute and then said "you smell different when you're sleeping".

It made me blush a lot for some reason, which only made her hornier. So at the end of that day I ended up smelling like salty coins and milk.


Sorry it's short but hey you got it twice in one month.

Yeah I died but I took a dip in the pit so I'm better now.

Hey everyone I know I haven't posted in awhile. Honestly it's because I forgot about the blog for awhile. Anyway things have been going pretty well for me. I'm now just working part time so I've been able to work on my cooking skills so I can make better food for her. Now time for cute stories.

I was laying down in Ching Chong's lap while she was petting my head and we were watching Star Wars rebels. She really likes it, especially Zeb the alien muscle guy, who I've decided to call fuzzy purple butt-cheeks. She doesn't really care for that nickname tends to punish me when I say it, I say it a lot obviously. But back to where I was. We were watching the show when suddenly she asks "do you think Jedi use the force when they have sex?" I reply maybe, but they probably don't get much action because of the code and shit. She leans over and whispers "I'm going to use some force on you later tonight". It took me ten seconds to process that horrible pun. She laughed that I was so slow on the up take and said she was going to have to punish me because "a trooper should be smarter than that".  Well I though it was cute.

Okay another Ching Chong was talking to my mother about this trip she took a Mormon temple the church just finished building. Well they have this thing where they let outsiders and people who don't lie about their activities in order to get a temple recommend inside the place before it's consecrated. So she's talking about all the stuff she saw pretty celestial rooms and whatnot. I guess she also mentioned the story of Jaredites or maybe it was the Nephites, probably the former though. Because later she got through talking to my mom she goes to our book shelf and grabs my Quadruple combination of the standard works and starts flipping through the pages.I come over and ask her what shes looking for. She holds the thing up and asks me "Did the Jews have submarines in this"?

Now I know what you're thinking right now? Jewish submarines that's ridiculous there's no way she heard that story right that idea is completely stupid. Well you're technically right she did misunderstand the story and that's not that stupid, it's even dumber than that. So the story is in the book of Ether and it's about the Jaredites who a group of people lead by Jared (because Smith was too lazy to come up with a better name) and they just escaped the tower of Babel. Well then Elohim tells them they've got to build these barges, eight of them. Now these barges are made of wood but are airtight save for two air holes (one in the top and one in the bottom, i.e., only one usable at a time because they would be submerged by water occasionally.).  These boats contained not only people, but livestock and seeds of many kinds, apparently with enough food and water that no landfall was necessary (the trip was the length of a standard year). They then ended up at Lake Ontario. Then after they had pretty much killed themselves by civil war the Nephites (Jews) showed up in the western hemisphere roughly 1,500 years later.

Ching chong had kind of gotten bored about halfway though me describing it though so she just told me to start making diner already. When I'm making stuff however and she's there she can be rally uh handsy. She'll do things like walk by me and slap my ass, lean over and sniff me, trail her fingers along my back, lick me, ect. It's a game where I have to keep focused and not get a boner otherwise I might end up ruining the food and she would punish me.

It's a fun game. Not as fun as when we feed each other, but still fun.

Oh also Ching Chong apparently showed pictures of me to her co-workers, because they kept asking what her husband looked like. She was disgruntled about this. Said it felt like she was sharing me with them and that she doesn't want to have to let anyone else have me. She also elaborated a bit on why she likes that I'm on the path to becoming a full fledged house husband. Basically when we eventually get the money to move out of the apartment and into an actual house she plans on having a pretty detailed security system installed so that she can watch me anywhere I am in the house from her phone. Make sure I'm doing okay and that no one has broken in and taken me. She actually kind of wishes she could just have me on a leash and be with her all the time when she's out. However that's not really practical because there are a number of buildings where you're not allowed to bring in dogs and I do technically classify as her bitch.

Pain and Humiliation are sexy

Hey guys remember the guy who derailed fuck quest twice in the span of an hour by pointing out some Palauan guy was dead and then next by saying he had a wife. Remember, he said his wife was going to beat him for doing that? I wonder who that could have been? In unrelated news Ching Chong beat me.

Oh reason I brought that up was because I talked to Ching Chong about making me wear a dress. Now at first I was kind of glad she hadn't me do it again, but then the more I thought about the more I realized I sort of liked it.Not sure if it was the dress or just her making me do it, but a part of me liked it. Anyways while thinking about I realized she probably got the idea from that Rose scene, you know the one. So during diner I talked to her about and said I wouldn't be completely averse to trying it again. Then she's all

So we're probably going to do that again. Although she told me I can't pass for shit, which was why she laughed when she first did it.

Oh I also brought up the idea of a gps tracker with her so she'd be able to find if I was ever taken. She without a beat said "yeah but the good ones cost at least $150 and they're still like the size of a flash drive so the kidnapper might be able to find them". I looked at her and asked how long she had thought about this.

She looked back at me with the questioning look like I shouldn't have been surprised at all, which I probably shouldn't have. Then she grabbed my cheeks and squeezed them saying my scouter was faulty and that this wasn't even her final form. And then we had fucks.

Did I surprise you? It's me.

So I was the one who posted in that Yandere thread on Thursday and Friday. Well during the day when I was playing vidya it made me think of things. Like how Ching Chong is like a flower, beautiful and delicate and how fucked up things could have been if she got attached to someone else. They could have been a normal-fag who's only interested in fucking dead fish vanilla bitches or worse they could have been a complete asshole. I mean yeah I talk a lot about how forceful she can be be but if you're dependent on someone who has few redeeming qualities you're life can be pretty fucked up.

I mean eventually she would have "corrected" the issue. She would have implemented a "final solution" to the problem. But that probably would have gotten her into trouble with the law. Not saying it was fate or destiny or anything like she thinks, but us getting together was the most optimal outcome for both parties.

Now for something less heavy though.

Me and Ching Chong saw X-Men day we rebooted the series. We enjoyed it. Though never of us understand why Magneto was wrong. I mean if he killed Nixon, Trask, and the other people in the bunker there things would have turned out pretty well. I mean who's going to authorize a new Sentinel program, Ford? Ford can't do shit, that's why Nixon choose him. Also that revelation that Kennedy was possibly a mutant.

Oh also I fell asleep Friday before Ching Chong came home, so I wasn't able to make her dinner. I woke up to her staring down at me with a bag in her hand. She told me she already ordered pizza but I had to put "this on". It was underwear, womens underwear, and a dress. She grabbed a cushion and situated herself on the floor. Told me to take off my clothes and do it now. I asked her if she was serious. She just nodded. So I took off the clothes I had on and started putting on the panties and dress. The panties were black and lacy. The dress was white and short just barely came down to my legs so I tried to stretch it down to give me a bit of modesty, mostly because I had a nervous boner. Ching Chong was laying on her back looking at me with this satisfied smirk, before she just started full on laughing

I asked her if she was done, she nodded said I could take the stuff off because I looked "ridiculous". Luckily for me she finds it too comical looking to be arousing. Then she handed me all the pepper packets and said that was my diner, and that I had to eat them.

Burning in the third degree

So Ching Chong was pretty excited about the Star Wars announcements on the fourth. She likes the new cast members and is excited about the new movie. But she's also really excited about the new Rebels TV show. Except for that kid with the fucking laser sling shot, the fuck is that shit? But on to why this a cute story, so she was showing me the characters and I had the audacity to ask "so which one is butt-cheeks"?

It did not end well.

Anyway moving on from that nerd shit Me and Ching Chong went swimming with some friends. It's more or less the first time we spent time with our familiar associates since the wedding and they had questions to ask. Questions like "are you making anon wear a skirt now" or more perverted inquires like "do you guys snuggle afterwards"? So Ching explained some of the things we do in detail. They were no longer curious.

But I ended up getting a really bad sunburn afterwards because I thought I could put sunblock on by myself. Well my back ended up turning lobster red. Now at first Ching Chong was slightly worried because skin cancer or some shit. But then she realized she had a new place to hit me that would cause even more pain than usual. So for the next couple days she would do that. But then the burn went away and my skin started to peel. That's when things really got weird. She peeled off the dead skin, and then she would eat it. Now I don't just mean she put in her mouth and swallowed it. I mean she actually used my dead skin as a substitute for lunch meat on sandwiches. I told her that was odd and probably not very hygienic. She just looked at me and shook her head when I told her it wasn't a good idea for her to eat skin sandwiches.

At least she hasn't tried to take my booty.

Oh hey it's story time again

So a bit of news first. Ching Chong's gotten a job. And not a shit job like me. A starting position with a local bank. She doesn't technically start for awhile but she's got it. So she'll be finishing up her bachelors, and doing this while occasionally taking one class or so every now and then for professional development. Meanwhile it looks like I'm going to be left with a fancy piece of paper and not many viable ways into the market. Ching Chong "suggested" that I be the house husband.

Tempted to do it. But I'll wait for a little bit until she rises up the ladder up a bit and we're more secure financially.

Now onto what it says on the tin. So me and Ching Chong have been reading the CYOA on 4chan known as Fuck Quest. The title is more or less straight forward. You're Alabaster Soliloquy and you're on a journey to fuck and/or rape your cute tomboy friend, your Christmas cake biology teacher, an android loli manufactured by the antagonist of the story, your tsundere mother, your excellent taste having sister, and some student council girl. However you are thwarted by shitty decision making on the part of your peers. For more details please refer to the picture below.

Anyway in the latest edition it starts off by you getting a prostate massage from your mother. Which made Ching Chong, ask questions. Lewd questions. She said she wasn't going to do anything though and I don't think I have to worry about her breaking and entering. Something about it reminding her too much of clinics and hospitals and stuff.

Anyway other cuter story. Okay so I was talking to Ching Chong and she revealed something to me. You remember that period of time I've talked about before? The one after I met her, but before we moved in together? Yeah that stalking period. Well anyway she would follow me around and observe me. She also used her phone to take pictures and record videos of me. Well one day someone noticed her. So what did she do? Well first she started crying, and then she freaked out and ran away.

I'm guessing they didn't report anything to the campus or anything. But it actually freaked Ching Chong a bit that she actually stopped following me for a bit. While she was telling me this she made great effort to point out how fearful she was that people might be able to stop her from "claiming" me. So since we were on the topic I asked her how she figured out where I lived. She stopped for a second before saying, "so you did get them" and started playing with her hair. So I asked her but how did she learn where I lived in the first place. She just kept playing with her hair and said "it's good you got them". So I rolled my head over in her lap and went to sleep.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: May cause heart disease

So I decided to make a post sooner than expected.

Let's see. Well we saw Captain America and the Winter Soldier. I have to say it's taken the spot of my favorite marvel movie. That moment Cap and Widow are in the basement of the old shield base reactivating the old ass computers. That was good.

Anyways cute shit, well after the movie I leaned over to her, put my mouth by her ear and whispered seductively "Hail Hyrda". She punched me in the arm and called me an idiot. "But I'm your idiot right"?

"Yep".

Oh also she lost track of me in the mall when we were shopping.  I was carrying stuff walking behind her when we walked by a game stop and I noticed they had Xbox ones in the front display. I stopped to glare menacingly at them. Well she kept on walking, not noticing I had decided to try and convey my anger to sub-par home heating systems.

The crowd was fairly large and when she turned around to notice I wasn't behind her the throngs of people hid me from her sight. It probably didn't help that she couldn't see over the tops of people's heads like I can either. So she started freaking out wondering where I had gone. Her head snapping back and forth around. Frantically trying to find me among the multitudes of humans.

When I came up beside her she turned and grabbed in pincer hug. She was worried that someone had kidnapped me and stolen me away from her. I reassured her saying that "no one would try and snatch me in a public place like this". She was silent for a long while, her brow furrowed.

......

"I would"


So yeah, short but....eh.