Fever. All day and all night

We take off for my parents home and get there okay day before thanksgiving. Things are going good talking to parents just telling them how things are going getting settled in for the weekend exc. Well anyways somehow Ching Chong brings up sleeping accommodations  Now you may or may not remember that last year Ching Chong and I slept in different rooms. She in my old room, and me on the couch in the living room. But things have changed from last year, in that Ching Chong has become more, shall we say accustomed to sharing the same bed as me. Now my mother is a fairly religious woman, and thus like most LDS woman doesn't want their sons having sex before marriage and usually look down on cohabitation before marriage. Now my mother hasn't voiced any criticism of us living together but she didn't want us sleeping in the same bed while under her roof because of reasons. Well Ching Chong wasn't up for that this year. Not because she wanted to engage in sexual congress, well she might have, but that wasn't the desire she was acting on. No she just wanted to sleep in the same bed as me. So she begged my mother to share the bed with me. Now by beg I mean actual begging, with the puppy eyes and everything.

Suffice to say my mother could not say no.

Other than that Thanksgiving was relatevely uneventful. We saw the film Lincoln. It was pretty great. The Union forever, Hurrah boys, hurrah! Down with the traitor, up with the star! America fuck yeah! Eh moving on from my love for the Union.

We came home and things were pretty calm. At least for awhile. You see Ching Chong decided to get revenge for that tickle session I performed on her. I was just laying on the couch when all of the sudden Ching Chong sits on my butt and grabs my feet. Then she starts tickling them with her tongue. I try to reach back to pull her away but I can't get a good grip on her. So I do the only thing I can think of. I yell out "No, not in my foot pussy". This only egged her on though as she attempted to bring me to climax by stimulation of my feet. It didn't work, but not for lack of trying. I was only able to get her to relent by telling her that if she let me go we would do something really fun. She accepted my term, not knowing what they actually entailed.

I'm not sure when she's going to extract revenge for that.

I think Ching Chong still has some lasting regret that she wasn't my first though. Why do you ask this? Because she's shown me some short stories she's been writing. And well, pic related.

They're all crime stories about women being raped, killed, tortured, maimed, exc. And the physical descriptions of them tend to match those of my ex's. Though she hasn't contacted them or tried to locate them or anything. So as long as she just keeps this on paper it's an acceptable outlet. No I'm not going to post them.

You will never get to be a Wookiee Sith lord.

Hey everyone sorry it's been awhile since I updated but Ching Chong's been pretty energetic because she's excited we're heading to my family's house for thanksgiving this year again.

Let's see where to start?

Oh I know Ching Chong and I have been watching Walking Dead again. We're both pretty happy Lori died, she was dragging the rest of the group down. Sad that T-Dog died, but I guess they can only have one black guy at a time. Also Andrea is a slutty bitch whore in Ching Chongs opinion, I'm inclined to agree. Sword girl is pretty cool though, though her swordsmanship seems unrealistic. Glen and Maggie are probably gonna get tortured. Speaking of torture though......

So I'm laying on the couch after getting home from work just relaxing. Then out of nowhere Ching Chong climbs on top of me and starts tickling my ribs. I laugh while trying to push her hands away to get free but she's determined. Realizing I won't be able to escape her I start begging for her to stop in between involuntary chuckles. Ching Chong says she'll let me go if I offer her my body. No in a position to negotiate for anything I concede to her demands. Alas she begins her tickle assault on me again mid-coitus, all the while saying that I'll be punished if I ejaculate before she wishes.

Not sure if cute or lude but I thought I'd share it.

Anyways after the deed is done we cuddle with each other for awhile. Eventually Ching Chong looks me in the face and bluntly asks if she's "weird". I ask here what she's talking about and she says sometimes she wonders if I'd prefer her if she was in her words "More like other girls, and less bothersome". It was this time I tossed her on her back and said "How's this for bothersome" as I started my own tickle torture session. Which caused he to swear vengeance upon me. It was fun.

Changing subjects to things that aren't fun though. Ching Chong downloaded the S.S. Tortanic. Her reasoning was that it was free to play and it was Star Wars. The graphics are pretty low save for the cut scenes which is where I suspect most of the budget went to, well that and the purchase of child sex slaves. Anyway the gameplay is fairly restricted if you don't want to pay. Now one thing people like to say is that TOR has the most VA's and spoken lines of any game or something. Now while that is true some of the dialogue is a tad cliched in certain istances. Giving me this kind of image.

I'll post sometime next week regarding our Thanks Giving day stuff. In the meantime complain about how it's bullshit you can't play as a species that isn't a human re-color.

My Mother is 2spooky

Okay guys I've got a number of things to write about so bare with me.

Okay first up let's go with Ching Chong's reaction to the news of Disney buying Lucasarts and the announcement of a new Star Wars trilogy. Okay so Ching Chong was the first one to find out. Her reaction was pretty energetic. She was just throwing out words and happy sounds in both Korean and English and I couldn't understand what she was saying. I actually thought she was going to rape me.

But then she calmed down a bit and said "New Star Wars" while pulling me over to her computer and pointing at the screen which was displaying a news article detailing the deal. My response was bueno. But before you ask what me or Ching Ching think the movie is going to be about I can already tell you it's not going to be the Thrawn trilogy made into a film, or any EU work adapted for the big screen. Why? Because the execs have said it's going to be an original (whatever that means in film nowadays) story that takes place something like forty to two hundred years after Return of the Jedi. Now here's our respective wishlists for the new films.

Mine:
Has a main character
Said character is a fish out of water who's new to the larger galaxy so the film explains shit to the audience.
Character may or may not be force user, but don't have them be a space messiah. Or at least explain what the fucking prophecy means.
Pick a tone and stick with it. No going from horrible murder to slapstick comedy in the next scene.
Get a tolerable director, screenwriter, ect.

Ching Chong's wishlist
No complex intergalactic space politics
Character's motivations are clear and understandable. Cute girls do cute things because they're cute, not because their mind is being controlled by a sith lord to fulfill some weird convoluted plan.
Characters show emotions and don't speak like droids.
Don't make the main character part of the Skywalker/Solo clan
Less sitting and talking more running and shooting
No super weapons

Now moving on from that I'll explain what we did for Halloween.

Well I took the day off of work because I could. Now we didn't hand out candy this time because only a few people came this year so we didn't see the point. Now because Halloween was on a weekday most of my friends couldn't really do anything so we stayed home and watched spooky movies. We watched Dark Water, Poltergeist, and the Sixth Sense. Dark Water didn't really scare her that much, but Poltergeist did for whatever reason. Ever that or she just wanted to wrap herself around me. Hard to tell sometimes. Anyways she thought that the kid in the sixth sense was a demon because he could see ghosts and that was the twist. When the actual twist became apparent she became confused. She wanted to know how he got past the big ass church doors if he's a ghost. Other than that Halloween was pretty uneventful  I do have some cute stories for you guys though.

So the nights are getting a bit colder around here and me and Ching Chong we're in bed and she was saying she was cold and that she wanted me to heat. So purposely being dense I told her I'd get an extra blanket. This caused her to grab my arm as I got up. And the way she looked at me I knew this was only going to end one way.

Well maybe not cute so much as borderline rape, but eh.

This one is cute though. So Ching Chong was making diner and we've been getting a number of political robo calls for the past couple weeks because the election is coming up. Ching Chong finds these to be fairly annoying, especially since quite a large number of them are anti-abortion ads. Now I don't think I need to explain to you how Ching Chong feels about that subject. So she's gotten two calls already today, the last one not too long ago. Well the phone rings and she quickly picks it up without even looking at the caller ID and starts yelling that if they call again she'll they "Rip a baby out of someone's womb and shove it up their asshole". Well it wasn't a recorded message on the phone. No. It was my mother. She had called to ask if we were still planning on coming over there to have Thanksgiving with the rest of my family. A few seconds after Ching yelled that her face turned from an expression of rage to one of a deer caught in the headlights.

She then started to stutter apologies before handing the phone to me. I picked up the phone and tried not to laugh as Ching Chong looked down at her feet in shame. So while trying to hold in chuckles I explained the situation to my mother. She was more confused than angry. Though she did tell me that she expected better behavior from her "future daughter in-law". Then I was the one stuttering with the surprised look on my face as my mother laughed across the phone line. She told me she was just joking but I'm not sure I believe her.

No I didn't tell Ching Chong about the daughter in law comment.

Bowcasters are the best form of diplomacy

So I was able to get Ching Chong to socialize so more. But before that cute story.

>Come home
>Ching Chong is not there to greet me like she usually is.
>Odd
>Hear some crying/whimpering nearby
>See a shape covered in a blanket
>Crying/whimpering is coming from it
>Remove blanket in dramatic fashion
>See this

Well except it was Ching Chong with the Zaku she got for me, but I only have so many images at my disposal.

She had apparently knocked it over while dusting and some parts had come off and she wasn't able to put them back on right. So she did what and rational person would do in this kind of situation. Cry under a blanket hoping you figured out some way to put it back together. To be fair though the manual was in moon runes so you would have to figure out from the pictures which aren't as descriptive as you would like them to be. Anyway I managed to put it back together, though I had to prove to Ching Chong I wasn't mad at her. And there was only one way to do that......

Moving on from that story it's time to tell you how Ching Chong's socialization time went. So what I did this time was to have one of my friends set up a fun group activity. In this case a table top role playing game, the Star Wars one, because those are usually fun sessions and I figure it would interest Ching Chong. So it was her and a couple of my friends.

I'll try to summarize.

>Ching Chong: Human Jedi Guardian
>Me: Wookie Soldier-head of security
>That girl who played patty cake with Ching Chong: Twi'lek Noble-acting as the diplomat
>Another friend of mine: Rodian scout-hired mercenary protection
>The GM: A very patient man

Anyway setting was this. We all started on a Republic diplomatic cruiser that we had been traveling on to a outer rim mining colony. It was during the separatist crisis before the clone wars and we were there to negotiate a new contract between the pro-Republic mining company that owned the planet and some commies who were being courted by CIS scum who need to check their privilege . Anyway we sit down to negotiations and begin drinking anytime the GM has the npcs say the words "compensation", "profit", "slave labor", or "work hazards". Anyways while we're drinking away our boredom one of the worker's representatives started to die. He was poisoned. Now the GM had this big political mystery plot but in our state we decided that was boring as fuck. So we pooled together our limited knowledge and decided that some one high in the Republic must be responsible for the assassination. Then we realized Palpatine was behind it all because Dooku was a Jedi and assassination wasn't in his character.. So we started killing the republic crew members with righteous fury and we took our ship to one of the mining towns to start a revolution that would make Maximilien Robespierr proud. Ching Chong eventually ended up becoming regent of the planet after getting a number of darkside points on her chart. Anyways we declared ourselves separate from the republic and put the children back to work in the mines to prepare the for the coming war.

Some of the highlights were blowing up orphanages  tearing people's arms out of their sockets, torturing children in front of their parents in order to get them to talk, chocking people with hands, choking people with the force, chocking people with their own hands that I tore off their arms, crashing a ship into a space station, dropping said space station onto a city, and inter-species rape. All our characters we good though, chaotic good, but good because the Republic was bad. I think the GM was sad we hijacked his plot with drunken shenanigans. Oh well 10/10 game would fuck up his plot again.

Ching Chong also said that I was her bitch. That gave people some very strange reactions. Probably didn't help that she was drunk and had a weird facial expression going on while hugging/molesting me.

I don't really remember too much of what else happened.

You will never have a girl cut off circulation to your entire arm.

So Ching Chong trying to make friends was interesting. But before I tell you about that I want to tell you about a dream I had on this weekend

>be on plane with Ching Chong
>Plane lands
>Get off of plane
>Be in lesser Korea
>Meet Ching Chong's mom
>She gives me disapproving looks
>Ask Ching Chong where her father is
>She points over to a man holding a sign that reads "Whitau Pigu go home"
>Go to her parents house
>Some time passes
>Breakfast time
>PSY (The guy from the Gangnam style vid) is making breakfast
>Ching Chong asks him what we're having for breakfast
>"We're having Reesses for breakfast"
>"Candy for breakfast", Ching Chong asks?
>"No! Not candy! Resses Puff cereal" I explain, "it's like delicious candy in every bite!"
>Then everyone starts to dance in a highly choreographed style.

It was weird. Ching Chong even said so. Also if you're wanting to know how her parents would think of our relationship if they found out. Well this picture captures it pretty well.

That's how they would see it.

Anyways Saturday was pretty interesting. I told Ching Chong I was inviting some friends over the day before so she had at least a chance to say no with she didn't want to. Didn't want to try and force it on her. Now I'm not sure if she realized this was all part of my grand socialization plan for her or I just wanted to hang out with some friends. Didn't really matter though.  She was okay with them coming over. We we're just going to marathon some movies and shoot the shit. What neither Ching Chong or myself foresaw though was the fact that everyone brought a horror movie. So they could have super spooky scary Saturday. Now I've shown Ching Chong a few scary movies like the Thing and Alien. Both of which frighted her pretty badly.

Well we watched a couple of films.

First up was Romero's Night of the Living Dead. A classic, which I don't think I need to explain. Then there was Suspiria which felt like I was freaking out on acid. I couldn't  really follow what was going on but fuck man it was freaky. Then we saw the 1976 version of Carrie. Ching Chong sympathized with Carrie, and actually cheered her on when she started killing everyone in the gym. Last we watched Audition. That was insane. The girl in it makes is crazy, even Ching Chong thought she was bat shit insane. Anyways afterwards Ching was all.

Wouldn't let go of my arm and wanted the lights on for the rest of the night. she did socialize a bit. Talked a little and actually played patty cake with the one other girl there. I don't know why the girl asked Ching Chong to play patty cake with her, probably just to see if she would.

I think my friends see her as some sort of Dandere moeblob or something.

So yeah the thing went okay. Going to try to do something that requires her to interact a bit more eventually. Should be fun. Especially since alcohol will most likely be involved. It's going to be great.

I don't think I can come up with a witty title for this.

So I tried to get Ching Chong to make friends. I think I can say operation amity and harmony failed. Mostly because Ching Chong tended to freeze up when speaking to new people and hide behind me. She would be talking rather hesitantly to someone and then just stop mid sentence and but me between them. Suffice to say people were a bit weirded out and I had to try and explain that situation to some perplexed individuals. I just told them she thought she was speaking English incorrectly and got really embarrassed. After class I asked Ching Chong what the hell happened. She was hesitant to say anything but finally said, "I don't want friends, I have anon. If I spent time with them then I'd have less time with anon".

Then she put on a happy face and acted like nothing happened as I just stood there in stunned silence. So yeah, failure.

I was perplexed and bamboozled, but I was curious so I later asked her about this a bit more. And I learned some very interesting things. I could just lay out the conversation we had but I think it will make more sense if I reveal this information by telling about Ching Chongs past some more.

I've already said that Ching Chong didn't have the best situation at home and that her first relationship did not go well at all and that because of that she got picked on by other kids. Well I never went into great detail. They were incredibly cruel. Holding her down and writing whore on her forehead with marker, trying to strip her in front of others, would steal stuff from her locker and desk, write nasty letters about her and leave them on her desk. Group work was hell for her, other students would refuse to work with her and the teacher had to force them to work with her. Which in the end only made the situation worse as it drew attention to her. She became pretty depressed and was considering doing some very rash things. Well that was until she decided to try and use some magic spell thing she found on the internet.  She took an apple and a knife, and stand before her mirror. Then sliced the apple into pieces. Stuck some pieces on the point of the knife and held it over her left shoulder. Then looked in the mirror. Now the point of this little ritual is so you will see a vision of your future spouse appear behind you to take the apple. Guess who she claimed to see? Yeah. No I don't personally put much stock in superstitions or such things, but Ching Chong, well she's a different case. From there on she set about making sure she set about doing her best to in school so she could go learn over seas. Yeah she came here to find some pale red haired faggot who she allegedly saw in a mirror.

Anyways she eventually did arrive in the states and took that history class not so long ago where she saw me. Now at first she wasn't sure how to proceed and she was waiting for me to make the first move. Well waiting might not be the right word seeing as she stalked me and what not.  But when I lost that job and needed a new place to live well, she pounced on that opportunity.

Ching Chong didn't tell me this before because she thought it might scare me away. I wasn't sure what to think at first. But then i realized that with all the other stuff Ching Chong has done that this is just another one of those interesting stones on the rocky road to something something cheap metaphor.

Questions?

A New Hope

So it's been awhile since I posted. So I figured I'd make a post. Well we finished the Twilight fanfic turned erotic (I use this word lightly for reasons I'll explain later) bestseller, fifty shades of gray. We did not attempt to read the two other books in the trilogy. The origins of the book have caused some discussion and controversy. For those of you who don't know the books came from a twilight fanfic entitled Master of the Universe, sadly it was not a cross over with He-man. Now despite the author claiming otherwise even a blind vulture on LSD could see that the only thing she did was change the name of characters. Now fanfiction has been around for a while, and we've all read some pretty bad ones in our time. But last I checked nobody was making money off them. So should E. L. James be getting sued by Stephanie Meyer? I don't know I'm not a lawyer. And unless some kind of legal action makes its way to the courts this question won't have a definitive answer. But bear with me here. What if we are now entering a time where it is now acceptable to profit from other writers’ characters and situations without seeking permission? And does this end at just literature? What about movies, TV shows, plays, or video games? Now this destruction of intellectual property might sound frightening at first, but think of the possibilities. We could redo the Star Wars prequels. We could take midi-chlorians, the gungans, the plot holes, and all that other shit and dump it on Lucas' lawn. Just think about it, that's all.

Anyway, on to the book itself. Like I said it's still a Twilight fanfic. It’s a straightforward tale of Girl-with-low-self-esteem who meets a ridiculously handsome Boy, gets Boy, has lots of sex, angsts, cries a lot, and is annoying to read. Partially because of that low self-esteem thing. In fact the book opens up with the protagonist complaining about her flaws while looking in the mirror. “I’m too pale, too skinny, too scruffy, uncoordinated, my eyes are too big, they're too blue, blah blah". Also just like twilight female protagonist the one in this book is a virgin. Not only that she's kiss less virgin who's never held hands with anyone before. Now before you go chanting "one of us" I should tell you she has also never masturbated or even experienced sexual arousal before. Also she's a moron. She's amazed at the concept of emails, signs a contract without even reading it, and is shocked that there are helicopter pads in the middle of a city.

Gray is portrayed as a cold-hearted sexual predator who's particular erotic style has developed because he is psychologically "sick". Stereotypes abound. Frankly though, in BDSM terms, Grey is incompetent. Even I, a guy whose sexual actions are only slightly left of vanilla, know that his use of cable ties is a very bad idea, as they could cause nerve damage or scaring. Soft but thick is the best way to go in the rope department. His choice in the female protagonist is also shit because only an idiot would have a virgin sign a sex contract filled with things like anal fisting, fire, electricity, and some things I had to actually look up.

Yet despite this we never get to see any of that stuff. Nope. All Gray gets busy with is a fur mitt, riding crop, restraints and pleasure beads, there’s nothing that will be particularly shocking to anyone but the virginal heroine, Anastasia, who is outraged when he asks if she's on birth control. Also the author is just bad at writing, so that was a turn off too.

In conclusion it sucked, the only saving grace was that I read my parts in the voice of the greatest republican president of the 20th century, Richard Nixon. Ching Chong's face when she heard things like “my inner goddess is doing the dance of seven veils” or “my inner goddess is contently sitting in lotus position” or “my inner goddess is writhing…” in tricky dicks voice. 

Moving on from that crime against literature though.

Ching Chong caught a stomach virus recently. She woke before me like usually but on;y made it out to the couch before grabbing the nearest trashcan and preceding to vomit. I eventually woke up and saw the sight of her hunched over the garbage can, while telling me to look away. Because apparently she thought I'd be grossed out or something because vomiting isn't ladylike or something. I don't know. Anyways I help walk back to the bed and tell her she needs to rest. It took a bit of convincing to get her to do so though. So I go and get some over the counter medicine to try and sooth her stomach. All those chew-able tablets did was make her bile pink. Anyways I asked her what she wanted for breakfast, I was thinking of making her some kind of soup or something since she was sick. Well, Ching Chong didn't want that. No, she wanted French toast, with maple syrup and powdered sugar. Somehow she managed to keep it down. Then afterwards she wanted me to read her a story. So I took out my kindle and asked her what kind of story she wanted. She said Star Wars; sometimes I think she's obsessed with that space opera. Anyways I pulled up my legally purchased copy of Vector Prime and started reading it. We spent the rest of the day like that. At the point when I got to Chewbacca being killed by Serpindal's moon. Tears went down her face. 

Ching Chong and I starting classes. We managed to sign up for a biology class together. I'm hoping I can get her to make a friend in the class. Or at least talk to people. Don't have a whole lot of hope for that. I'll write a post on that if any success comes from it. Originally I was going to tell her that she needed to make friends so she could have a maid of honor, but then I realized that would have been retarded. I don't know, any suggestions on how to get Ching Chong friends would be appreciated.

Trained Monkey Collaborators of Death

So my birthday last week was pretty awesome. First Ching Chong woke up before me to bake cookies for later. She told me she made them "extra special". More on that later.

Anyway first thing we do is go to the most amazing place on earth. The zoo. It was pretty awesome, they had a fairly large variety of animals like crocodiles, emus, and tigers and shit. It was awesome. They also had this small aquarium with lots of tropical colorful fish that Ching Chong found fascinating. Anyway then we went back home although Ching Chong insisted on driving. Which I thought was pretty odd, and then after awhile she told me to put a paper bag on my head. Then she drove somewhere and parked the car, telling me not to peak. So I just sat there and listened to the radio for a bit. Then she came back and put something in the back of the car before she got in her seat and started driving again. Eventually we made it home and she took my hand leading me back to the apartment. She opens the door tells me to pull the bag off my head and I'm greeted with the sight of friends and shouts of surprise. Apparently called them all and was able to plan and set this thing up without me knowing. Which should probably make me wonder what else she's capable of planning and enacting. 


The party was your standard cake and presents thing, although it was an ice cream cake so that was cool. Now as you might have pieced together the thing Ching Chong brought back with us was my present. So what was it you ask? A statue of me made from her toenails? The Holy Grail? A dragon dildo? Nope she got me something even better. Remember back when I took Ching Chong to that hobby shop back awhile? Well she did, because she got me a Zaku model from there. MFW

Anyway then my friends presented their gift to me. They all pooled their money together and got me the fifty shades of grey trilogy as a gag gift. Yes they bought all three books. Yes, bought. The mother fuckers. 

However in the end I got the last laugh. Now you remember those "extra special" cookies I wrote about at the begging of the post. Well one of them was unlucky enough to actually eat one. Because Ching Chong made them for me, and only for me. She probably would have started crying. That is if I had not intervened by coming up in front of her, picking her up, and giving her a great big hug and telling her how much I appreciated her doing all this for me.

So that crisis was averted. I still had to have a talk with later after everyone left though. She was about to cry because in her mind said guy stole an indirect kiss from him. Allow me to explain. Ching Chong essentially made out with each piece of cookie dough before butting them in the oven. So in her mind they had "kisses baked in them". She actually asked me to forgive her because she thought she should have been guarding them. I tried to convince her she was being silly but well, she's stubborn. In the end I just ended up accepting her apology to satisfy her.

Now I need to figure out what to do with those horrid books. Ching Chong in her naive nature thinks we should try and read them because they "can't be horrible, because lots of people like them". If only she knew the madness of crowds. Alas she does not. So I might have to end up listening to her read one of the worst things written.

The only reason people like Vulcans is because of Spock.

So I tried talked to Ching Chong about what she had planned for my birthday, but she said she couldn't say because it was a surprise. I tried to get her to spill the secret but to no avail. She's determined not to tell me, not even sexual offers worked. The only thing I did get out of here was that it was going to, "make up for all the birthdays she hasn't been there for".  So she's got something important planned, which I'm not sure what that entails. Could be anything from cake to rape, probably both. I'm kind of worried she'll probably end up  trying too hard to impress me.

Moving on from that looming horizon though. I showed her Star Trek just a couple of episodes from TNG and DS9. Things like Best of both Worlds, Who watches the Watchers, Sins of the Fathers, Duet, Far beyond the Stars, and Trials and Tribble-ations. She enjoyed them, especially duet, made her cry like a baby. Though one thing she couldn't wrap her head around was the prime directive. She didn't understand why the federation shouldn't uplift other civilizations before they develop warp technology. I tried to explain it to her but gave up. Mostly because I myself don't believe in the prime directive myself. Seriously if humanity can benefit from interacting with another civilization why should it matter whether they have a warp drive or not? It's a stupid rule, probably from the Vulcans, because they don't allow fun of any kind.

two stories and a third

So story time, this happened Thursday. Okay first part was I was sleeping and having a dream. Well more like a nightmare. At first it just seemed like normal life but then Ching Chong started acting like an opionated faggot who was perpetually butt-mad, in other words she was the anthropomorphization of /a/. Picture is pretty related, it was pretty much the entirety of it.

And then I eventually woke up. Now this was a pretty weird dream. But things got even weirder when I woke up. Allow me to explain. Ching Chong and me both move around in our sleep so when I wake up before her (something that happens rarely) I usually expect one of us to be awkwardly sprawled on top of  the other. However today Ching Chong was spooning me. Which at first was adorable but then I realized she wasn't asleep in the next moment. How you ask? Well because she was chewing my hair and making cute noises.

Sounded sort of like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYdYv0sSF9I&feature=plcp

Which odd was still sort of adorable so I didn't move and pretended to be asleep. Well at least for a little while before nature called. Then I spoke up and told her I had to go use the restroom.  She slowly stopped chewing on my hair and let me go, trying to hide her face in shame. Because I guess I wasn't suppose to find out she did that when I was asleep. But really I don't care, I mean it's not like she's inserting things into my urethra or something.

Anyway then this was this other story which happened Friday. Okay so we were watching some cartoons that I had legally purchased. I had made bean burritos because we live in the South West and fuck Eastern food like clam chowder oh and calling pizza's pie, stop that shit. Anyway back to the story. So anyways we'd eaten my lousy food. Now as we were watching said cartoons Ching Chong expelled gas. I giggled and her face turned red. Then an idea sparked in my head and I pretended to start choking. So you know I pulled out what little acting skill I had (3rd grade play where I was Abraham Lincoln) and pretend to be dying from lack of oxygen. Then I pretended to be dead. Now at first Ching Chong just rolled her eyes and frowned at me. But then as I continued to lie there on the floor unresponsive she became a bit worried. Went down to my body and tried to find a pulse (I don't think she even knew how to check for one because she had her fingers pressed against the top of my wrist). Since she couldn't find one she started getting worried and calling mine name telling me to get up. HFW

It was at this point I realized the joke had gone too far. So I got up and told her I was just playing a joke on her. At first she hugged me, then she slapped me, and then hugged me again. She also told me I was never allowed to leave her, never ever. I apologized for being a dick and things went better than expected.

Nocturbulous

Hey guy's so I've been waiting about a day or two to make this post. Well me and Ching Chong went to see Prometheus.

It was an awesome movie. If you guys haven't seen it you stop reading this head to your local movie theater, sneak in the back entrance, and watch it. Do it faggots. I'm going to try not to give away any spoilers but I've got to say that David is the best character.

Seriously this guy right fucking here. The best, bar none. Hell I'd have just watched two hours of him walking around the ship doing synthetic things. So go watch the movie.

Moving on. Noomi Rapace's character is sterile and there's a scene where she's talking to her boyfriend about it and starts crying. Ching Chong did not understand that scene at all, she even leaned over and asked why she was crying. Try as I might I couldn't. Anyway, as you see from the trailers Rapeface get's infected later on in the movie and cut's it out. In this violent cesarean section scene she has a medical pod cut her open with little to no anesthetic and pull out a horrible squid baby. Ching Chong's face when.

Seriously freaked out as fuck. Clung to my arm for the rest of the movie, actually started cutting off cutting circulation making my hand feel all tingly.

Also one of two of you asked me to show Ching Chong adventure time so she could translate what the rainbow unicorn was saying. Well anyways I showed her an episode and apparently shes "lewd", although I think a better word would be kinky. Because she likes it when the dog bites her.

Finally sometime next month my birthday comes up. I should probably go prepare my body.

Something about Israel

So I'm not sure why I'm writing this post but don't really have anything else to say. Thing's have been pretty calm, almost eerily so. So you guys get to learn a little bit more about mine and Ching Chong's past.

Well let's see I was born to my parents in the late 20th century and consequently know the word's to Black Hole Sun by heart. Overall my childhood was fairly normal. Got B's in most my classes, rode bikes, read books, had some friends, played some b-ball outside of school, got into some trouble with the neighborhood when I joined a cult called the center lead by mister Mack, and my moma got scared and wanted to send me to live with my auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. But yeah a pretty normal childhood.   

Well except for the time I hit my dad. Yeah I'm telling you that story now. I was sixteen going on seventeen, only unlike the young Austrian girl all was not well in the Von Trapp family. My dad at the time was going throw a mid-life crisis and was being what those in the psychological community have termed a "complete dick". Anyways to make a long story short he sit's me down and tell's me he's thinking of getting a divorce and leaving my mom. Well for about the past five months  I'd been dealing with his bullshit so I had a lot of pent up aggression and I'd already lost it. I could see beyond the gate. So I balled up my fist went back up to the shoulder, and let loose my fist. 

    I'm not sure if it was just the shock or I actually threw a hard punch. Ever way he fell down, and I just stared at him for a bit before leaving. Next few day's he didn't talk to me and shied away every time I so much as glanced in his general direction, he was afraid of me. And that's how I saved my parent's marriage and became the patriarch. Well there was also couple's counseling but I doubt she punched anyone.

   Then there was Ching Chong's childhood. I think I told you guys about her family situation and how it was well shit. I can't really think of any better words to describe it than that and I don't really feel like by putting up a funny picture with a caption. So yeah just a story about me.

fucking Solomon Spalding and Ethan Smith

So yesterday was......interesting.

To give you some back story Ching Chong's been keeping in contact with my mother by email. Every couple of days they'll write each other something and respond back. Well anyways Mom was talking about how things were going in her church and blah blah blah typical Mormon stuff. Anyways Ching Chong get's interested and looks up some stuff on google. Well anyways she comes across Celestial marriage, which for you unfamiliar with LDS doctrine it's essentially when a couple goes into a Mormon temple and is sealed together as husband and wife for all eternity. Yeah no until death do you part stuff, this shit be permanent. Oh and you'll get to become god's yourself and govern over your own planet and new life yourself. I'm serious, this is what Mormons believe, it's part of the doctrine called exaltation and it essentially amounts to theological trans-humanism. I've told you guys before how Ching Chong is pretty superstitious before right, what with fan death and what not? Well I'm not sure if it was just her tendency for magical thinking or maybe some eastern syncretism thing but well HFW she told me.

She was very excited by the prospect of being together "forever and ever and ever" as she put it. It was then I had to inform you needed a temple recommend, and how to get one. For reference you need

• Faith in and testimony of God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost,-failed there
• Testimony of the atonement of Jesus Christ.-here too
• Testimony of the Restoration of the Gospel.-Also here
• Sustaining the President of the Church and his authority, and other general authorities and local church leaders.-This too
• Abstaining from alcoholic beverages and hot drinks (things like tea and coffee)-party time
• Paying a full Tithe (10% of your income to the church)-lol
• Living the Law of Chastity.-I don't even need to say anything

Among other things. This was not want Ching Chong wanted to hear. She was pissed. 

I didn't understand what half of what she was yelling and it took about an hour to calm her down. She eventually did though, actually apologizing for her outrage. Then we cuddled for a bit. Afterward I decided to put in the second season of the clone wars and we watched that. Been pretty enjoyable. It's odd when a child's television series is better than the actual live actions movies they're based on. But then again it's pretty hard to do worst than the star wars prequels. 

>INB4 someone says they like the prequels

Get the fuck out you don't know shit about star wars. 

The Dark Night rises will be worse

So time for an update.

>Me and Ching Chong go to see midnight opening showing of the Avengers. 
>All the theatere rooms are for Avenger screenings. 
>We arrive there an hour and a half before the show starts
>Theatere is already half full
>People dressed in costume, Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, and I think I even saw some guy dressed as Giant man/Ant man/Yellow Jacket/Wife Beater/whatever Hank Pym is calling himself.
>We get our seats
>While waiting Ching Chong get's in one of her moods
>Tries to cuddle

>I evade like an employer because there was a fat Thor guy sitting behind us and he was weird
>movie starts
>Dat interaction between Rogers and Stark
>Dat fight between Thor, Iron Man, and Cap
>Dat interaction between Banner and Stark
>Dat scene where the carrier is hit and Banner turns into the Hulk and starts chasing Scarlet Johansson to rape her
>Dat scene when Thor cock blocks him
>Dat death of the son of Coul
>Dat Fury's card trick
>Dat teamwork
>Dat Hulk punching Thor for blocking his cock
>Dat puny god
>Dat Hulk restarting Stark's heart with his yell
>Dat Thanos
>All those schwarma
>MFW

It was a really good movie. How good you ask? So good it made Ching Chong forget I avoided cuddling with her for about three hours.

Then she remembered. I got my shit slapped.

Her new rule is that when she want's physical attention she gets it. She doesn't care who's watching. I also had to be 'punished', for disobedience.

Sorry I haven't posted lately guys. Things have been kind busy since me and Ching Chong are trying to study for finals. Keyword trying, because for me it was like

And on Ching Chong's end it was like.

Anyways after coitus we started watching Toradora! She refers to Ami as the blue haired bitch. 


Not sure what else to say. We'll we're going to see The Avengers on opening day on the 4th. So I'll probably write a post for that.

Ching Chong meets Mary Jane

So seeing as Ching Chong has never gotten high before I figured it would be hilarious if Ching Chong and I celebrated 420 with brownies.

>Immediately after she eats the brownie she asks if it's working yet
>She grows impatient
>Then the munchies start to set in for her

>I go to shitpost on /a/ while she chows down
>Eventually I stopped and went to get her.
>Soon as I came into eyesight of her she put down her food and started hugging me
>Telling me I was "pretty"
>Had me sit on the couch just so she could play with my hair
>Meanwhile I was giggling the whole time
>Kept calling my pretty
>Eventually started chewing on my hair
>I'm trying to stifle my laughter
>With a mouth full of my hair she says "Wuv uuu anon". 
>Would have nearly died from Hnngh there if she didn't start trying to undress me
>She was still chewing on my hair and she tried to lift my shirt above my head
>Meanwhile I'm laughing my ass off

There are no images on the internet that could capture that moment.

Generic anime: the pool episode

>So things have been going pretty good at the Ching Chong household nothing out of the ordinary. 
>Ching Chong decides to call up some of my friends to go swimming at one of the local pools
>Friends agree and I'm pleased by Ching Chong's apparent social initiative
>get to pool
>At first Ching Chong is like this

>But I eventually get her to come into the pool
>About halfway through she pulls me out to put more sun block on my back saying I'm getting red
>Has me lay on my stomach while she lays her hands on my back
>Makes sure to get every part of my back, especially lower back
>I mean really low
>She was trying to pull my shorts down to get at my ass
>Ask her what she's doing
>Awkwardly stops and tells me she's finished. 
>Go back to swimming
>Later when drying off talking to friend
>"Dude we should hang out more, let's take a trip to Vegas"
>I of course say no for obvious reasons

1. I'd have to bring Ching Chong along: Can you imagine me leaving her alone? Can you imagine me letting her leave her behind?
2. wedding chapels: Too big of a temptation for Ching Chong to drug and marry me
3. The house would kill us: I'd try and use Ching Chong's math skills to count the cards and we'd be found out and end up buried in the Mohave.

>He still keeps pestering me about it
>"Come on, it'll be fun, you know it"
>Decide I've had enough and tell him "dude I'm fucking busy"
>Ching Chong overhears and chimes in "but my name isn't busy"

>And then after the shock wears off they start laughing like jackals 
>Ching Chong still doesn't understand why it was so funny

Ching Chong's humor needs some work

So guy's I saw the toonami adult swim thing. It was awesome already sent my email telling them to bring it back.

Anyways night went like this.

>Learn Toonami is coming back for one night
>MFW

>Ching Chong is confused as to why I'm so excited for a one night block airing of Chinese cartoons
>Try to explain it to her but give up when I realize it would be as fruitless as trying to explain the pleasure of being cummed inside to a virgin
>A little bit dissapointed in the fact that this just the executives at CN dangling hope in front of us only take it away while shouting April fools
>Tell this to Ching Chong
>Ching Chong forgot it was April Fools day before I reminded her
>We keep watching 
>Anyways about half through Ching Chong tells me she's going to kill me and feed me to dogs
>What
>"April Fools"
>HFW

We need to work on her humor.

So yesterday was Ching Chong's birthday. Was pretty good.

>Realize I won't be able to wake up earlier than her without using an alarm which would wake her up
>Decide the only way to get around this is to not fall asleep at all.
>Stay awake all night
>Get out of bed before she get's up
>Make gaeran tost-u (essentially an egg sandwich with added cabbage and brown sugar)
>She wakes up about halfway through it
>Scared voice comes from the bedroom
>"Anon, where'd you go, Anon"?
>So she comes out of the bedroom and makes her way to the kitchen
>Looks around the corner
>She runs over to hug me
>"How come you're making breakfast anon"?
>"Cause it's your birthday"
>"You....you remembered my birthday"
>Intense hugging 


I somehow still managed to fuck up toast and it's a bit burnt
>She loves it anyways
>Afterwards I tell her it's time to brush her teeth 
>Everyday until you like it
>She likes it
>Want's it everyday, forever now
>Seriously HFW

Then later we went to for a hiking trip on a little mountain trail. Of course before we went there Ching Chong had to wear my clothes. And not just clothes from my closet. Nope she had get some that had a stronger scent, which meant pulling things out of my hamper. So the few people we passed by on the trail saw me and a short Korean girl in grimy wrinkled clothes.

Anyways we make it to the top of the trail right on time. The sun is slowly starting to slink down towards west. We sit and watch the sun slowly move out of sight. Stay there even after the sun has set. Watch the stars for a bit. Ching Chong says she sees a shooting star, probably more likely a plan but it's her birthday so whatever. I ask her if she wants to make a wish. She looks at me and tells me no, that I'm everything she could ever want.

Then we went home, and she got in one of her moods.

Oh also an anon drew this.

It's awesome man. I actually kind of want to hang it up on the wall. But that would require me to explain the whole blog to Ching Chong and well, that's a frightening aspect.

My head hurts

So I drank a lot last night. Head feels like somebody used it for drum practice. Ching Chong's out right now, getting me stuff to help with my hangover. I don't remember a whole lot from last night so some of this is from Ching Chong's testimony.

>Get to party
>I head straight for the Guinness
>Let me show you the traditions of my people
>Fuck yeah Ireland
>Declare myself king of Munster with Ching Chong as my queen
>More Guinness
>Start trying to sing Black Is the Color Of My True Love's Hair
>Ching Chong is really liking this
>Can't really remember the words anymore now
>Change to a different song
>"Too ra loo ra loo ra loo, they're looking for monkeys up in the zoo. If I had a face like you, I'd join the British army. "
>Ching Chong doesn't care for my renditions of Irish rebel songs
>Eventually decides I've had too much to drink and that it's time to go home
>Drags me back to the car
>It's raining
>I for some reason tried to get her to dance in the rain with me
>Just end up falling on my ass and getting myself soaked
>Fall asleep once I get home
>She has to take off my wet clothes
>I wake up today with nothing but a blanket covering me and Ching Chong nuzzled up against me
>HFW she is recalling the events of last night to me

> Not sure if she raped me or not

End of Rine

So me and Ching Chong bought Mass Effect 3. Yes buying it, from gamestop, with money, that was ours, that was acquired by the process of wage labor. I'm not proud of it but there it is.

>Walk into gamestop
>Pick up a copy of ME3
>A line has formed in front of the counter
>Take our place in line
>There is a small child in front of us
>He notices the package
>Asks us if we're sure we want that
>What
>"You  can take the blue dialogue option, you go back to Earth. You believe....whatever you want to believe.

> Or you take the red dialogue option.....and I'll show you how deep the butthurt goes..."

>Then he took out a tooth brush and stabbed me in the head and killed me

>It was then Ching Chong realized the kid was actually a bloody Krogan Warlord

>She pulled out Jessi and started shooting.

>The Krogan took cover behind the counter and the other customers ran for cover

>Most of them tripped over their capes and burst into treats

>Others started bleeding out spagetthi when the automated cheese defense system started shooting lasers at them

>As Ching Chong is firing away at the Krogan's cover one of her bullets hits one of the containers for PS3 games, which was actually a cover for black market high grade explosives

>They went off and brought the entire place down on their heads

>Ching Chong was the only one to make it out alive

No but we did buy it from gamestop, the purchase was rather uneventful. 

My general opinion of the game so far

Ching Chong is still holding out hope though. She put a lot of effort into creating the perfect save for it. Cut into her masturbation time quite a bit. We did however come up with a general consensus for a species tier. 

>Glorious master race: Geth

>Bro tier: Krogan and Turians

>Adequate tier: Humand and Salarians

>Too small of a population size to judge tier: Drell, Yahg, and Rachni 

>Usless merchants tier: Elcor and Volus

>Big stupid jellyfish tier: Hanar

>Space gypsies tier: Quarians

>How are these guys still alive tier: Batarians and Vorcha

>Bitch whore slut tier: Asari

>Full retard tier: Reapers

Also Tali's face is horrible it made Ching Chong cry.

My brain is potato

So next month is Ching Chong's birthday, it's a week right after St. Patrick's day. What should I do? I've got to think of something good but right now I've got nothing. I could just ask her what she want's but I'd like to see what suggestions you guys come up with. I kind of want to impress her to thank her for that awesome valenntines day but I don't want to make it into some sort of competition. I'm thinking of it making it something small just the two of us, she'd like that. But no real specific ideas are coming to mind.

So yeah. Should probably have some good stories soon. Which will include but aren't limited to.

>Going to gamestop to buy Bioware's new dating simulator
>Ching Chong acting as the designated driver while I participate in the rituals of my people
>Then her birthday

Endorsements and Calibrations

Sup guys so I just found out I have some pretty interesting people reading my blog. First up is f4lk and his blog blondehairedangel. Which is about him (I think it's a guy at least) and his blonde haired girlfriend. Now I'm not much for blonde girls but the stories are cute. Also there's x and his survivingsingleland blog. Which isn't really funny right now, this needs to be fixed. However I'm posting these so you can ask f4lk awkward questions about anal sphincters and so you can try and get x to cowboy the fuck up.

Moving on.

>Ching Chong and I are watching the walking dead
>Now in between my bitching about how Shane should shoot himself in the face for the good of the group
>"Brought to you by Mass Effect 3, here's a commercial with some shitty hamfisted emotional content. Poor babeh she is husk now."
>However it caught Ching Chongs attention and she downloaded the demo
>The Multiplayer is fun, everything else is shit though
>Anyways she has a Krogan soldier and has been playing that
>That feel when Ching Chong is sitting on your lap and shouting at the screen about how she's going  to smash and shoot things

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Ching Chong is a cutie, and the best girl too

Sup guys. So Valentines day was awesome. Partly because I didn't suffer any injuries (well nothing horrible anyway) but mostly because Ching Chong has an intense level of dedication. So I'm sleeping in bed like normal when Ching Chong starts shaking me awake.
>Wakey, Wakey, Eggs and Bakey Anon. 
>Not just bacon and eggs but waffles, with the bacon and eggs making a smiley face
>I'm about to dig in when she stops me
>She wants to feed me my breakfast
>Adorable as fuck
>Have to take shower, brush teeth, comb my hair, do other hygienic activities. 
>She offers to help me
>Gives me a bath
>Has me kneel down so she can comb my hair
>Actually brushes my teeth for me
>After that is finished she suggests we go on a long walk
>About halfway through she decides she wants me to carry her on my back
>However she doesn't inform me of this
>Jumps on my back
>Oh shit we're going down
>I'm okay except for a few scrapes on my hands
>Ching Chong is still worried though and we head back home with her apologizing over and over again
>Once we get home she get's the alcohol to disinfect my scrapes (I didn't want to but she insisted)
>Too much alcohol, shit burns
>I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry
>She's almost on the verge of crying
>Starts calling herself stupid and blaming herself
>Only one way to stop this cycle
>Hug her until she calms down
>Spend the rest of time lying on the couch snuggling
>Eventually we get ready to go to dinner
>Ching Chong drives (if you didn't realize yet her idea for the day was to do everything for me)
>She's actually pretty good considering she doesn't get much experience
>We eat diner at this Mexican place
>We feed each other our dishes
>Daaw
>After we leave she pulls out a blindfold
>Has me put it on saying our next destination is a surprise
>Oh shit, this is the part where I end up chained in an abandoned warehouse
>Still comply with her request though
>She drives a distance and I have no idea where we are
>Parks car and guides me out
>I can hear a lot of people but no idea where I am
>She stops to open a door
>Overwhelming smell of popcorn
>Oh movie theater
>I get to keep my legs
>Hands guy our tickets which she bought before
>Blurts out not to say the name of the movie to the guy, saying she want to surprise (I still have the blindfold on)
>Guy says okay
>We get a tub of popcorn and a large drink to share
>I'm still blindfolded
>Get into the actual room
>Sit in one of the front rows (not the very front, but the ones where you don't have to walk up stairs to get to)
>Sit down
>Ask her if I can take my blindfold off now
>Yep
>She hands me a pair of 3D glasses to put on
>"So what are we seeing"?
>"Star Wars"
>But it's shit
>HFW

In case you were wondering it was still shit just like when it first came out, maybe even shittier.
>Waiting for movie to start
>Oh god damn these fucking previews are horrible just start the movie (well that one for the clone wars cartoon was okay. /co/ seems to like it at any rate. Is it any good?)
>I realize just hard sad it is that I want the Phantom Menace to start playing
>Horrible movie is horrible
>Kids in the audience forget that to use their inside voices
>Parents neglect to strangle them
>Movie ends
>Ching Chong's face when

>Entire drive home is her expressing her immense rage
>Yes good, good let the hate flow through you.
>But no she was really pissed
>Also in her rage she pointed something out to me that makes the movie truly horrifying

Jar Jar Binks was the main character. No really he was pretty much the only character with an arc and understandable motivations. Now i know what you're thinking what about Obi-Wan? Nope he spent half the movie on the ship being boring and we barely knew anything him. Liam Neeson just spent the movie making logically and ethically questionable decisions. Natalie Portman just spoke in a monotone voice and got hit on by an eight year old. Said eight year old only showed up about thirty minutes into the movie and most of the things that happened were ever out of his control or comprehension. Meanwhile Jar Jar goes from clumsy retard cartoon character to Bombad General. Feels pretty horrible to know he was the main character doesn't it?

Moving on.
>Get back home
>Ching Chong is still mad
>I know a way to make her happy
>Pis is related

>Afterwards I got close to her and whispered in he ear
>"Now that was pod racing"
>Then she started hitting me