I am now married to a real life rapist

Well, shit, yeah.

In my defense we've been busy, very busy.

Weddings are complicated and then there was the whole foreign paper work thing with immigration. Anyways though yeah we're married now, but before I talk about that and the wedding I'm going to talk about some things that happened before.

Okay so Ching Chong choose that girl who likes playing patty cake with her as her maid of honor. Well she wanted to throw Ching Chong a bachelorete party and had this whole night of debauchery planned out. However when they got to what was to be their first stop of the night Ching Chong realized what was happening. There were too many people for her to assault so she did the only rational thing. Cry

So they had to call me to pick her up. She kept it up until I drove off with her back home. Once we were far enough away from them she stopped crying immediately and told me to head to the nearest IHOP. So yeah, pancakes>strippers. Could have gone much worse, she could have actually tried to hurt them.

Anyway I think I told you Ching Chong's mother was coming for the wedding. Well she decided to stay with us for about a week, because fuck paying for a hotel when you can leach off family. So we pick her up from the airport holding a sign in Korean. First thing she did when she us was look up at me. She's at best an inch or two taller than Ching Chong. Then she asked if my hair was real. Well she asked Ching Chong if it was real because I can't follow lunar talk. But yeah she initially didn't think it was my natural hair color. Ching Chong told her it was though, because I'm not allowed to dye my hair. So we drive home with her luggage, occasionly pointing out at things and saying information tourists like to hear. Now I thought we might not be able to have sex because she'd be able to hear us. Ching Chong presented a solution to this problem, simply don't give a fuck.

So that night we turned on the Betty Davis and started going at it.

Pretty sure she heard everything. Not sure how much she understood but it's hard to misunderstand this kind of thing.

Anyways though we decided to write our own views. Now when Ching Chong showed me her first draft, all it had written on it was"Anon belongs to me, he is mine" then it just had "mine" written over and over again. I told her that this was not the best thing for a ceremony. After she hit for me a bit and I didn't change my mind she deiced to reluctantly agree. The marriage actually went off without a hitch. Though when by one of the patrons if we were going to "consummate" the union. Well her affirmative answer did creep them out.

So now flood the comment section with questions. I'll answer them, eventually.