Trained Monkey Collaborators of Death

So my birthday last week was pretty awesome. First Ching Chong woke up before me to bake cookies for later. She told me she made them "extra special". More on that later.

Anyway first thing we do is go to the most amazing place on earth. The zoo. It was pretty awesome, they had a fairly large variety of animals like crocodiles, emus, and tigers and shit. It was awesome. They also had this small aquarium with lots of tropical colorful fish that Ching Chong found fascinating. Anyway then we went back home although Ching Chong insisted on driving. Which I thought was pretty odd, and then after awhile she told me to put a paper bag on my head. Then she drove somewhere and parked the car, telling me not to peak. So I just sat there and listened to the radio for a bit. Then she came back and put something in the back of the car before she got in her seat and started driving again. Eventually we made it home and she took my hand leading me back to the apartment. She opens the door tells me to pull the bag off my head and I'm greeted with the sight of friends and shouts of surprise. Apparently called them all and was able to plan and set this thing up without me knowing. Which should probably make me wonder what else she's capable of planning and enacting. 


The party was your standard cake and presents thing, although it was an ice cream cake so that was cool. Now as you might have pieced together the thing Ching Chong brought back with us was my present. So what was it you ask? A statue of me made from her toenails? The Holy Grail? A dragon dildo? Nope she got me something even better. Remember back when I took Ching Chong to that hobby shop back awhile? Well she did, because she got me a Zaku model from there. MFW

Anyway then my friends presented their gift to me. They all pooled their money together and got me the fifty shades of grey trilogy as a gag gift. Yes they bought all three books. Yes, bought. The mother fuckers. 

However in the end I got the last laugh. Now you remember those "extra special" cookies I wrote about at the begging of the post. Well one of them was unlucky enough to actually eat one. Because Ching Chong made them for me, and only for me. She probably would have started crying. That is if I had not intervened by coming up in front of her, picking her up, and giving her a great big hug and telling her how much I appreciated her doing all this for me.

So that crisis was averted. I still had to have a talk with later after everyone left though. She was about to cry because in her mind said guy stole an indirect kiss from him. Allow me to explain. Ching Chong essentially made out with each piece of cookie dough before butting them in the oven. So in her mind they had "kisses baked in them". She actually asked me to forgive her because she thought she should have been guarding them. I tried to convince her she was being silly but well, she's stubborn. In the end I just ended up accepting her apology to satisfy her.

Now I need to figure out what to do with those horrid books. Ching Chong in her naive nature thinks we should try and read them because they "can't be horrible, because lots of people like them". If only she knew the madness of crowds. Alas she does not. So I might have to end up listening to her read one of the worst things written.

The only reason people like Vulcans is because of Spock.

So I tried talked to Ching Chong about what she had planned for my birthday, but she said she couldn't say because it was a surprise. I tried to get her to spill the secret but to no avail. She's determined not to tell me, not even sexual offers worked. The only thing I did get out of here was that it was going to, "make up for all the birthdays she hasn't been there for".  So she's got something important planned, which I'm not sure what that entails. Could be anything from cake to rape, probably both. I'm kind of worried she'll probably end up  trying too hard to impress me.

Moving on from that looming horizon though. I showed her Star Trek just a couple of episodes from TNG and DS9. Things like Best of both Worlds, Who watches the Watchers, Sins of the Fathers, Duet, Far beyond the Stars, and Trials and Tribble-ations. She enjoyed them, especially duet, made her cry like a baby. Though one thing she couldn't wrap her head around was the prime directive. She didn't understand why the federation shouldn't uplift other civilizations before they develop warp technology. I tried to explain it to her but gave up. Mostly because I myself don't believe in the prime directive myself. Seriously if humanity can benefit from interacting with another civilization why should it matter whether they have a warp drive or not? It's a stupid rule, probably from the Vulcans, because they don't allow fun of any kind.