I can't think of a title

So guys I took Ching Chong to a sexual novelty store (is that what they call them?). Why you ask? To try and get her a Halloween costume of course. Allow me to explain after reading your advice I got the idea to have her dress up as spider man for Halloween. Then I realized having her dress up as a slutty spider man would be even better. So I told her we we're going to a "specialty" store to get her a Halloween costume. Sure she'll only be wearing it to hand out candy to kids and drunken twenty somethings but it's her first Halloween and she should have a costume.

So I drove her down to the store. The place from the outside doesn't fit the stereotype you would associate with such a place. The name of the store had nothing to do with sex and the outside was very plain with just a blue and white paint job. Which meant Ching Chong didn't suspect a thing. Well we come in and they have this sort of, it's not really a room, more like an enclove or whatever. I suspect it's in case someone guy wanders into the store accidentally that he doesn't get an eyeful of dildos. Well we strolled through and entered the main part of the store. Which gave Ching Chong an eyeful of dildos. Her face when she realized where we were.

She was very surprised to say the least but was too shocked to express any other emotion than surprise. Sadly though they did not have a slutty spider man costume. Surprisingly they did have a top gun costume. Just let the implication sink into your mind there. But since we we're there I and a still shocked Ching Chong decide to look around the store. There were some very interesting porno dvds. Like a spider man porno, a hulk porno, a porno centered around female pubic hair, a porno about father-daughter incest via anal sex, and a gang bang porno. The gang bang porno had a picture of a blue eyed, blond haired woman surrounded by several black men. I found it funny. Ching Chong still had her shock face on. There were some very interesting dildos there. There was of course dragon dildos but there many others I had not seen before. There was actually one that was as big as my arm. Also there was a Barack Obama blow up doll, it was right next to the fat woman blow up doll. I'm not sure if that means anything.

Well anyways we left the store and drove off in the car. We didn't buy anything which I'm kind of regretting. Moving on though, as I was driving us to a party city (had to settle for a non slutty spider man costume) Ching Chong turned to me. The look of shock had been replaced with one of curiosity, she asked me, "Anon how hard is it to open one of those stores?" I told her that it probably pretty hard since you'd not only have to go through the regular difficulties of opening a business but also jump through the flaming hoops held by moralfags. She just said "oh" and looked sad and dejected. I think I killed a dream there.Because of me you will never know the joy of buying a double headed dragon dildo from Ching Chong's exotic emporium.

So yeah sad story. I'll cheer you guys up with another story though.

So I was taking a shower like normal. Washing my hair and just enjoying the water. Well then I hear something behind me and open my eyes. I notice Ching Chong has climbed into the shower with me. We are both naked and I'm staring at her. She looked right back at me with a look of pleasure on her face.

I ask her what's she doing here. That look still on her face she tells me she's her to wash me. She says that it's a favor and couples do each other favors. My penis was now fully erect as she began to scrub my body with a wash cloth. She took her time with each part of my body. Carefully scrubbing the entire area before moving on to the next. Eventually she came to my genitals. She started with my scrotum and testicles before starting to clean my penis. As she was giving what was probably the cleanest hand job in my life I came. She looked in my face and told me now I owed her a favor. I went to grab the wash cloth she had dropped to the floor but she told me no. That is was now dirty, I looked and saw that it was indeed covered with my semen. She then told me I'd have to use my tongue to clean her body. So I did as she instructed and began to lick parts of her body. Slowly going down her body until reaching her genital area. Then I began to perform Cunnilingus. This more difficult to do then I had anticipated as she was standing and it was quite hard to reach her clitoris. When she did orgasm she nearly lost her balance but somehow managed to keep it.

Which is why we haven't performed anymore sexual acts in the bathroom since then. Because it's fairly dangerous. Everything is wet and slippery and it is quite easy to fall down. In fact in North America 200 people die each year from performing sexual acts in their bathrooms. Aside from that though did you enjoy the story? My high school English teachers all told me I'm horrible at writing the sex scene. But it's a lost art anyways so it can't be helped I guess. I'll write more sex stories later but i just want some feedback.

This post is like her stature

So Ching Chong had an incident this morning. She saw a spider web in the corner and freaked the fuck out because she's afraid of spiders. She asked me to smash it for her. I did. End story.

Well anyways the main reason I'm posting is because Halloween is coming up soon and I'm wondering what me and Ching Chong should do. None of my friends are having any parties because it's on a Monday this year and Ching Chong doesn't seem to have any friends (I've stopped trying to pressure her to get some). So yeah I'm wondering what we should do that day? 

Also do you guys have any questions about me or Ching Chong? Any requests for certain stories?

That was only a test

It took you guys far longed to decipher that code than I thought it would. Was it really that hard? Games for the PS3? Seriously?

Ever that or you guys saw through my ruse and knew it was just me pretending to be Ching Chong. Which is also possible. So yeah I didn't tell Ching Chong and this was just me testing your reactions.

So sorry for the ruse but I wanted to test your reaction, for science.

In compensation how about a story?

This was actually yesterday.

>Driving in car with Ching Chong in the passenger seat on the way to the grocery store.
>She's singing along to the radio
>Evil plan time
>Tell her to go through the cd's and pop one in that has the letters SP written on it
>This has all my Steel Panther songs which I got through completly legal means
>She puts it in the player
>Their song Death to all but metal starts playing
>Ching Chong starts singing along like normal
>Then a second or so later we get to the vulgar langauge and shit
>She's still singing along, only now her face is red as fuck
>I pokerface the entire time
>Next song is Asian Hooker, it is exactly like it sounds
>She's still singing along with it, though her voice is quiter now and her face even more red.
>We get to groccery store parking lot just as the song ends.
>As soon as I Park the car she turns to me
>Says we'ge listening to Freddy Mercury on the way home

HFW

>Okay.jpg
>her face returns to normal and she actually skips to the carts

So on a scale of one to ten, how horrible of a person am I?

There was an Accident.

His this is Ching Chong Anon, why did he choose such a weird name for himself? >_>, told me to put a post on this blog thing. He told me about it on Wensday morning. I was pretty mad at first (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Some of the things he put on here are really mean T_T and made me feel bad. He showed me the nice stuff on here though so I calmed down ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ).  Besides you can't be mad at someone you love. ^///^

Today though he had an accident while going down the stairs from our place. He tripped and fell down them. When he hit the bottom his bone had gone through his arm and there was blood over it. He was in lots of pain, he even cried. I was really scared and called 911 and they sent an ambulance. I held him until they came and then they took him to hospital. I wanted to go with him but they said I could  not go in the amublance. So I went there myself. Had to sit the waiting room for a long time before they let me in. I gave him a big hug when I saw him. They had him hooked up to machines and bags with liquid stuff in them. Anon said one of them was morphine. He said he really liked that one. I think I should buy him some for when he get's home. I'll have to go look for it at the store . I'm also going to make him some Johnson Tang because he really likes that. And cookies too. Oatmeal with raisins. ^-^ He asked me to sleep here because he didn't want me staying over night at the hospital. He was worried I'ld get sick.

I'm sad he isn't here but the doctor lady said he'll be able to leave in a few days. \(^_^)/  Oh before I forget he told me to give you guys this pretty picture. It's suppose to move.

He also said that the stairs are like the games for the PS3. I didn't understand that but Anon says silly things sometimes.

Story time

So how did I come to meet the beautiful creature known as Ching Chong? Well it was back this summer actually. I was in my post 1865 American history class (was able to get to the exciting stuff right away). Well I got there early and sat down got my notebook out and waited for the first lecture to begin. While waiting Ching Chong entered the room. She eventually came towards my row and asked if she could sit behind me.

HFW

 I leaned back in my chair all cool style and said "Sure okay". I was a tad confused why she asked if she could sit behind me. I mean who asks if they can sit behind you? Next to you yeah, but behind you? I just chalked it up to her being overly polite. Well anyways class starts and the instructor comes in and essentially explains what the course is going to be covering, what he expected, and just a little short review of what happened between 1776 and 1865. Well I was packing up my shit when Ching Chong came over and said thanks for letting her sit behind me, still a bit confused I replied "yeah sure no problem". Then she just stood there. Unsure of what to do I held out my hand and introduced myself. She grasped hold of it and replied with her name. Satisfied that I had broken the silence I bid her good day and went off to the student union to get my ass kicked in a game of pool. I assume Ching Chong went home and masturbated furiously.

Well next few days were similar, had a bit of small talk with her, nothing really happened though. Then after we got done through with reconstruction and the subsequent debate thing we moved on to the gilded age and we had to do a large partner project on one problem of America at the time. Poor working conditions, ethnic conflict, corruption, one of those things. Well anyways Ching Chong asked if we could work together. By this time I had figured out Ching Chong had some kind of attraction but I had no idea just how deep the rabbit hole went. I said yes because some of my classmates where mad at me for somethings I said during the reconstruction debate. Seriously Johhny Reb gets really butthurt about things. Well anyways we eventually started hitting the books at the library. Ching Chong was of little help, she more interested in studying me than the status of the late 19th century American working man. This continued for some time.

Eventually she actually somehow found out where my crappy garlic smellling apartment was. She had left a box by more door. At first I thought it was my package of dragon dildos but then I noticed it had no post mark or anything. So I went inside and opened it. Inside were dozens of pink and red paper hearts. Some had some weird love poems written on them, other just had our names with the word forever written on them. Suffice to say I was freaked out. However I wasn't freaked out enough to do anything about it. Well as fate would have it I lost my job because lost demand meant they only needed half the number of employees. Because of this I had trouble coming up with rent. My land lord was a gigantic faggot and said I'd have to move out.

Well I was in quite a predicament, made all the moree worse by the fact that none of my friends had no room to house me. Which was why I was living in the apartment that smelt of garlic in the first place. Unsure of what to do I actually asked my history instructor because he actually knew my father back in the day and he was a general bro. Well Ching Chong overheard me and told me I could be her roommate. I told her I'd think about it and that I had to research my options first (ask /adv/).

HFW

So I asked /adv/ and they called me a faggot and told me to do it. I still held off for a few days though just to search for any opening in the paper or something. However the as I thought about I realized I was being a faggot and eventually told Ching Chong I was going to move in with her. I assume this also caused her to masturbate furiously once she hung up the phone. Well anyways once I got moved in things were okay. She doted on me and actually made Wang Johnson for me. Which is delicious as fuck if you've never had any. During this time I also sexually teased Ching Chong because I figured it would be pretty lulzy. However one day I awoke to notice I was missing some clothes. I didn't think much of it but I eventually went into Ching Chong's room that day to ask her something. Then I saw her on her bed masturbating, naked, save for a pair of my socks on her feet and my boxers on her head. We both froze for a moment and I told her I'd come back later. Then I did a 360 and got out of there. Eventually she came into the living area, clothed, with my socks and boxers.

She was crying and just saying sorry over and over again.  For some reason I gave her a hug, calmed her down, and told her it was okay. Why I did this I'm not sure. I'd like to believe it was because deep down in my heart I'm a good person, but that's just not true. Ever way though I did get my socks and boxers back. However the atmosphere between me and Ching Chong still felt awkward so I asked /adv/ for help again. They told me to present my used boxers as a gift for her, with wrapping and everything. I did so and Ching Chong was quite pleased. I like to categorize this as the start of the relationship. Before you ask she was the one to intiate sex, but that is a story for another time.

Going over this has made me think about some things and I feel like I should tell Ching Chong about the blog. If I'm not killed I'll probably post sometime this weekend. Now I'm off to go sleep in bed with her.

So about the name

I'm pretty sure you're wondering why I refer to her as Ching Chong. Seeing as the words are a pejorative term employed by speakers of the English language to mock speakers of East Asian languages, usually the Chinese. Well that's a good question Rhonda. You see when I first met Ching Chong I just thought she was just a weird girl and a stupid jabbering foreigner. Therefore I just crafted a mental image that was a tad stereotypical. In my defense though she does conform to the stereotype to a degree. Then there was Ching Chong's image of me, which went something like this.

>He said hello to me and made eye contact.
>He wants to become a long term romantic and sexual partner in a relationship with me.
>Even if he doesn't know it yet, I'll show him
>I'll rape it into him if I have to

Luckily for me I did come around to her side of thinking and no rape was required to persuade me.

>INB4 various disappointed comments about the lack of rape.

Will probably make another post tomorrow. Giving some stories of what I've dubbed the stalker stage of our relationship.

Stole that guy's pizza

I noticed it's been awhile since I posted something so I'll post this. 

Today I went off to work like normal except before I left I told Ching Chong to order some pizza for when I got home.  She asked if we could have olives on it I said yes of course because I know they're heir favorite topping. Well anyways I went off to work.

Now then on the way home I ran into some traffic problems on the way home so I called her up to tell her she could start eating it without me if she wanted. Well eventually I got home and opened the door. There pizza was on the counter, not a slice missing. However it was not untouched. Every single olive had been picked clean off. Ching Chong sat on the couch reading another Thrawn book. I ask "So how about those olives". She looks up from her book her face trying to hide the shame she feels.

"I uh, didn't order olives on it. I didn't feel like it." Her breath smells of olives and lies. I pat her on the head, tell her to put the book down, and come eat pizza with me.

I think next time we order it we'll get a S'more pizza. Pic is related.

Looks delicious doesn't it?

Well anyways I found this story adorable but I'm biased. I'll probably make a another post tomorrow. Maybe I'll explain why I refer to her as Ching Chong. Or you guys could just post questions and I'll answer them tomorrow.

Not sure if trolling or just retarded

So today Ching Chong asked me if I wanted her to bake a 9/11 cake. I told her no. So yeah the breakfast conversation was interesting today.

Hello operator?

So time for a story?

Well I came home today and went to the kitchen to see Ching Chong cooking dinner. Nothing unusual there. go sit down and turn on the news to catch thelater helf of the local segment. Phone rings Ching Chong answers it. Story about a  robbery plays on the TV. Ching Chong is on the phone to someone. I'm not really paying attention to ever. Eventually Ching Chong starts tapping my shoulder says someone want to talk to me on the phone. Get off of the couch and grab the phone. "This is anon speaking", I say to the phone.

Out comes the voice of my half sister, we'll call her J to keep it simple, "hey anon, what's up"? "Uh stars I think", I reply. "Uh huh, so things are going good for you I hear" she says's back. "Yeah things are going okay here", I say not sure of why she's talking like this usually here questions are more direct. "Better than okay from she told me, did you really giver her a piggy back ride"? Oh boy here we go. Not sure what to say I simply say "yeah I did". "Come anon don't be so nervous I'm not going to judge, I'm your sis not your mother". "Sure okay", I respond. "What come why are you still worked up? I just want to talk to you about her, she must really like you to cook diner for you pretty much everyday, or at least what you do in the bedroom." "Wait she told you about that"? "No you did, just now. So how about it, did she get involved or did she lie there like a board"? fgsfds

"I'm just joking, sheesh what happened? You use to be fun anon. Put her back on the phone it I want to talk to her some more." Hastily give the phone back to Ching Chong. She goes back to talking with J. Ching Chong seems to be happy to have the phone back and continues talking to J. I go back to watching the news and see that the weather man says it is going to be hot again. Fuck him and his fucking demon magick. Well news ends and I just start channeling flipping while Ching Chong is making dinner and talking on the phone. Eventually she hangs up the phone and says goodbye. Ching Chong eventually comes over and tell's me J had a message for me. "Oh really"? "Yeah, She told me to say that you need to call her back this week and tell her whether you got your red wings yet". My sister is a troll.

Random facts about her

She is about 5 feet tall.

She has to pretty much jog to keep up with me when walking because I have long legs.

Her favorite color is Orange.

She breaks the stereotype of the smart Asian by being as dense as a neutron star in a black hole, still good at math though.

She takes great offense at being called dumb. However she's not very clever about figuring out whether she is or not.

She had a poor understanding of medical science and biology.

She thinks Cacti are pretty

She likes to sing along to songs

She does not know how to Dougy

She is lightweight

Her favorite pizza topping is olives

She likes sunsets

She likes to cook

She has trouble detecting sarcasm and parodies

She doesn't like peanut butter because it sticks to the roof of her mouth

She likes to have her head rubbed.

Short post is short

Caught her humming the Imperial march today. Sounded like this.

Ching Chong points out things to me

So time for star wars recap.

>We made popcorn and I put mustard on mine
>Put in a New Hope
>She asks me why Tarkin blew up Alderaan when it was an important core world with a population of 2 billion without any contact of his superiors.
>My response: Alderan was full of traitors who got what was coming to them
>Asks why when they follow Han, Luke, and Leia in the Falcon to Yavin they don't just destroy the gas planet and thus have the moon and the rebel base destroyed.
>My response: Because
>Asks why all the other professional pilots are worried about shooting a two meter target but Luke and his friends did it for fun.
>My response: Outer Rim master race
>Movie ends
>She still wants more
>Put in Empire strikes back
>She loves it no criticism
>Put in Return of the Jedi
>Asks how why they rebuilt the Death Star so easily
>My Response: Empire Strong
>Asks why all the other Wookiees are half the height of Chewy
>My response: To sell toys
>Asks if the Empire still survives the defeat at Endor
>My Response: go into my room and pull out my copy of Heir to the Empire
>Give it to her
>Is still reading it now

She's taken her first steps in a much larger world.

A Walk in the park

>Wake up the the feeling of her shaking my shoulders
>"Come on anon time to get up"
>5 more mintues
>Starts hitting me says I promised
>Get up, shower, dress
>Go out of apartment start heading towards the park
>Outside is cool and cloudy and not as fuck like the last few days
>We're walking in the park along the usual route and she's stopping to smell all the desert flowers
>Really likes the Orange Jubilees
>Asks me if she's as pretty as the flowers
>Naturally I say yes
>She is now giddy as fuck actually starts skipping
>We get to playground in the middle of the park, usually we would just go past it, not today
>Wants me to push her on the swings
>Higher anon higher
>Eventually get tired and she gets off
>Asks me if I've ever done that with another girl
>Sure when I was like six
>Gives me a weird look
>ask me what her name was
>Old childhood friend Charlene
>Says Charlene is a prostitutes name
>Okay...quickly change subject by asking if she wants to ride ony my back the way home
>Forgets her weird shit and jumps on my back
>On the way back she starts chewing on my hair
>Ask her why she's doing that
>Because
>Get back to apartment and she gets off to go make breakfast

Those little moments

Drop her off at the college tell her I'll be picking her up a few hours later because I want her to spend some time in the student union building after her classes and try talking to people.

>Get back later.
>Ask her if she made any friends.
>NOPE
>Did you talk to anyone?
>She stares at me silently
>I ask her what she did do
>She shows me her math homework done for the rest of the week
>Turn up the radio to convey my displeasure
>She sings along to the songs

sick day

>Have a pretty bad cough and go to the doctors
>Acute Bronchitis
>Doc recomends bed rest
>Ching Chong thinks I am dying
>By my side all the time
>Constantly doing every little thing for me
>Starts feeding me food and I realize something tastes weird about it
>She put crushed up flinstone vitamins in it.
>I explain to her that while I appreciate the thought this was not needed
>She doesn't understand and thinks I want to die
>All that crying

Chilling and drinking with Ching Chong

>At friends place just for some drinking and chilling
>Bring Ching Chong along because she would have sulked for days if I hadn't
>Me and friend have a thing where we insult each other when we drink
>Really strange ones too
>Like rancid donkey cunt and child molesting orange peel
>Well I neglect to mention this to Ching Chong
>She's a leight weight and was really slamming them down in order to fit in I guess
>Well me and my friend start doing our usual routine
>She mad now
>Starts chewing out my friends ass or trying to in her state she had trouble with her English
>Then she vomited on him