two stories and a third

So story time, this happened Thursday. Okay first part was I was sleeping and having a dream. Well more like a nightmare. At first it just seemed like normal life but then Ching Chong started acting like an opionated faggot who was perpetually butt-mad, in other words she was the anthropomorphization of /a/. Picture is pretty related, it was pretty much the entirety of it.

And then I eventually woke up. Now this was a pretty weird dream. But things got even weirder when I woke up. Allow me to explain. Ching Chong and me both move around in our sleep so when I wake up before her (something that happens rarely) I usually expect one of us to be awkwardly sprawled on top of  the other. However today Ching Chong was spooning me. Which at first was adorable but then I realized she wasn't asleep in the next moment. How you ask? Well because she was chewing my hair and making cute noises.

Sounded sort of like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYdYv0sSF9I&feature=plcp

Which odd was still sort of adorable so I didn't move and pretended to be asleep. Well at least for a little while before nature called. Then I spoke up and told her I had to go use the restroom.  She slowly stopped chewing on my hair and let me go, trying to hide her face in shame. Because I guess I wasn't suppose to find out she did that when I was asleep. But really I don't care, I mean it's not like she's inserting things into my urethra or something.

Anyway then this was this other story which happened Friday. Okay so we were watching some cartoons that I had legally purchased. I had made bean burritos because we live in the South West and fuck Eastern food like clam chowder oh and calling pizza's pie, stop that shit. Anyway back to the story. So anyways we'd eaten my lousy food. Now as we were watching said cartoons Ching Chong expelled gas. I giggled and her face turned red. Then an idea sparked in my head and I pretended to start choking. So you know I pulled out what little acting skill I had (3rd grade play where I was Abraham Lincoln) and pretend to be dying from lack of oxygen. Then I pretended to be dead. Now at first Ching Chong just rolled her eyes and frowned at me. But then as I continued to lie there on the floor unresponsive she became a bit worried. Went down to my body and tried to find a pulse (I don't think she even knew how to check for one because she had her fingers pressed against the top of my wrist). Since she couldn't find one she started getting worried and calling mine name telling me to get up. HFW

It was at this point I realized the joke had gone too far. So I got up and told her I was just playing a joke on her. At first she hugged me, then she slapped me, and then hugged me again. She also told me I was never allowed to leave her, never ever. I apologized for being a dick and things went better than expected.

Nocturbulous

Hey guy's so I've been waiting about a day or two to make this post. Well me and Ching Chong went to see Prometheus.

It was an awesome movie. If you guys haven't seen it you stop reading this head to your local movie theater, sneak in the back entrance, and watch it. Do it faggots. I'm going to try not to give away any spoilers but I've got to say that David is the best character.

Seriously this guy right fucking here. The best, bar none. Hell I'd have just watched two hours of him walking around the ship doing synthetic things. So go watch the movie.

Moving on. Noomi Rapace's character is sterile and there's a scene where she's talking to her boyfriend about it and starts crying. Ching Chong did not understand that scene at all, she even leaned over and asked why she was crying. Try as I might I couldn't. Anyway, as you see from the trailers Rapeface get's infected later on in the movie and cut's it out. In this violent cesarean section scene she has a medical pod cut her open with little to no anesthetic and pull out a horrible squid baby. Ching Chong's face when.

Seriously freaked out as fuck. Clung to my arm for the rest of the movie, actually started cutting off cutting circulation making my hand feel all tingly.

Also one of two of you asked me to show Ching Chong adventure time so she could translate what the rainbow unicorn was saying. Well anyways I showed her an episode and apparently shes "lewd", although I think a better word would be kinky. Because she likes it when the dog bites her.

Finally sometime next month my birthday comes up. I should probably go prepare my body.

Something about Israel

So I'm not sure why I'm writing this post but don't really have anything else to say. Thing's have been pretty calm, almost eerily so. So you guys get to learn a little bit more about mine and Ching Chong's past.

Well let's see I was born to my parents in the late 20th century and consequently know the word's to Black Hole Sun by heart. Overall my childhood was fairly normal. Got B's in most my classes, rode bikes, read books, had some friends, played some b-ball outside of school, got into some trouble with the neighborhood when I joined a cult called the center lead by mister Mack, and my moma got scared and wanted to send me to live with my auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. But yeah a pretty normal childhood.   

Well except for the time I hit my dad. Yeah I'm telling you that story now. I was sixteen going on seventeen, only unlike the young Austrian girl all was not well in the Von Trapp family. My dad at the time was going throw a mid-life crisis and was being what those in the psychological community have termed a "complete dick". Anyways to make a long story short he sit's me down and tell's me he's thinking of getting a divorce and leaving my mom. Well for about the past five months  I'd been dealing with his bullshit so I had a lot of pent up aggression and I'd already lost it. I could see beyond the gate. So I balled up my fist went back up to the shoulder, and let loose my fist. 

    I'm not sure if it was just the shock or I actually threw a hard punch. Ever way he fell down, and I just stared at him for a bit before leaving. Next few day's he didn't talk to me and shied away every time I so much as glanced in his general direction, he was afraid of me. And that's how I saved my parent's marriage and became the patriarch. Well there was also couple's counseling but I doubt she punched anyone.

   Then there was Ching Chong's childhood. I think I told you guys about her family situation and how it was well shit. I can't really think of any better words to describe it than that and I don't really feel like by putting up a funny picture with a caption. So yeah just a story about me.